U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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