wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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