are you so shy because you have an std?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
