Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if only i could text you this smell
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
