I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
