I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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