new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
