Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
