i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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