Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
