I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
