apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
