just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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