I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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