You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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