I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
