Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
