tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
