her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
