You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
