i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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