Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have tasted many bathrooms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
