weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize