Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
