it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
