You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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