i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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