Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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