Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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