i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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