hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there was a trapeze. enough said
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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