Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
