are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
