someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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