my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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