i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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