So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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