I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
