I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
