Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
