Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
