CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
