maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
