mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
