i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
