so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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