dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's get the cat blown out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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