I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
