you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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