I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
