Plan B is the new Plan A
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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