omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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