Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
