Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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