I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
