I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
