I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
