1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Four minutes until I can fart!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
