I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is wine microwaveable?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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