Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
