thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.