my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's blow job season.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.