He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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