ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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