We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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