You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
