she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
