I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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