I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
